It's ok to not be ok sometimes

I think everyone is familiar with the feeling of not being able to get things done, when the fear or anxiety, or even simple laziness stops you from doing something you want and then it just piles up and the more time passes the harder it gets to start again. It seems easier to give up and make peace with this feeling of uselessness.

My anxiety has stopped me from doing many things. But more importantly, it is stopping me from being the person that I really want to be. Since I’ve lived my whole life being introverted, unsocial and very shy it became so normal that it’s almost comforting. I’m not going to lie, I absolutely hate this part of me. I envy all of those people that can walk into a big crowd and feel comfortable, I envy those, who can speak up in public and not lose it, and, finally, I envy those, who can face their fears instead of running away from them.

They always say: “Don’t fight your anxiety, it will only make it worse”. It makes perfect sense. I know exactly what I need to do to feel better. But how can you possibly embrace something that you resent? How can you let it happen if all you want is for it to pass and never come back? Well, I don’t have the answer to this question yet.

The thing that I wanted to tell you here is: there are some things that you can’t control and it’s ok if they happen. They might make you feel angry, depressed or helpless, but just know that it’s ok to not be ok sometimes. Life is never going to be just ‘good’ or just ‘bad’. And what your life is now can either depend on you or not. Either way, the shitties, worst days in your life are important too. In fact, they are the things that shape you as a person.

Don’t compare yourself to others, you never know what they have to deal with in their life. Measure your days by only your own progress, your productivity, your bravery and your happiness. After all, the only person you should answer to is yourself.

Right now, I’m not having the greatest week, to be honest. I want to do so much and there is absolutely nothing that is stopping me, but yet I can’t do them. Instead of giving up on myself and hate my life I’m going to suck it up and start little by little. I know that I only need to make the tiniest step towards my goal and it will get easier. Writing this is part of this step.

I guess, what I want you to remember after reading this is: you are not alone, there are many people that are facing the same obstacles and are battling same fears as you are. It is ok to feel bad for a little while. Just a little though, because if you let yourself give up, the negativity will swallow you. Coming back from that is much, much harder. But one day of eating chocolate and crying in the bathroom is fine. Just one little break before you get back up on your feet. And if your family or friends, or your loved ones don’t understand what you are going through, it doesn’t mean that they have never had those days themselves. Every one’s struggles are just different.

Start doing little things. Maybe if you’ve always wanted to move to another place, start checking other cities or even countries. Just for the purpose of doing something. It is not a big hard thing to do, but it is a step towards something. Worst case scenario it will take your mind off of your sadness, best case it will inspire you to do something awesome!

Little steps towards a big dream. Little wins are all it takes to find a ground underneath your feet.

Stay brave, stay happy. Love y’all.