Every parent in the world wants their kid to be loving, smart, kind, successful, polite... just the very best, really. But raising one is no joke, and every parent knows that "making" them into great people is not as straight forward as we wish it was. To help you along, I want to throw around some ideas of simple, but very important things and activities that could really improve your kid's view of the world and him\herself.
Interacting with animals.
This one is quite simple and you don't even have to get a pet for this lesson. Just letting your kid spend some time around animals and teaching them how to treat them properly can make a big difference. If you do it right, it could give them a glimpse of responsibility for smaller weaker creatures and teach them compassion.
You have to make sure though that they understand the rules because letting them do whatever they want to an animal could actually be quite abusive and unfair towards the latter one.
Make sure your kid knows that he/she needs to be gentle, recognize when an animal does not want to play anymore and if that's the case please DO NOT let your kid follow them and force the interaction. Forcing anyone to do something they don't want to do is cruel, even if that "someone" is not a human.
Letting them try.
This one should be super easy, but for parents, it is often not. You simply have the urge to stop them from trying things if you think they are not strong enough, don't have enough balance or perhaps haven't mastered their motor skills yet.
But I highly encourage you to let them make mistakes, as many as possible. Don't say "no, you can't do this, let me do it for you", instead, say "you can try, but be careful". And if they drop something on the floor, so what? Give them a napkin and teach them how to clean it up. If they fall down, don't stop them from doing something like that again, instead remind them that last time they fell while doing it, so this time they must be extra careful. And if they break something, please don't tell them off. Remember, adults drop and break things too. Let your kid know that they didn't fail and this kind of things happen to absolutely everyone.
Of course, all of this applies only to situations that don't pose danger to their health. If something is hot, sharp, unsteady or dangerous you must not let your kid near it and explain exactly why.
Why is this important? Because that's how they become confident.
"My parent trusts me. He/she believes I can do this. I am allowed to try. And even if I don't succeed, they'll be here to help me up again."
Here is a child that fell face down on crunchy leaves and is not impressed with the force of gravity at the moment.
Let them help you.
I've already mentioned it in previous posts, but making kids feel like they are part of the team is great for their confidence. My daughter is at such age right now when she wants to do everything I do and letting her contribute not only makes her very happy but also builds up the trust between us and gives her important skills that she will have to develop later in life anyways.
Yes, when kids help things can get a little messy, but it's so worth it when you see how exciting it is for them.
They feel big and capable and important.
Let them copy your actions. This one is a version of the previous one, except instead of working with you they pretend to be you. I think trying on roles of different people actually plays a big part in their self-discovery. By figuring out how different occupations, race and gender influences human's behaviour they actually grow to understand it much better and find out who they are in the process.
This could be as simple as letting them use some of your things in their role play or perhaps getting them a miniature version of their own.
As a side note, I would encourage you to not limit them to toys that are "gender- or role-appropriate". So if you have a girl like we do, give her the freedom to copy her dad as well. Same goes for boys copying their moms or for a kid that is growing up with parents of the same sex or of different race or religion. Simply let them try everything because you have absolutely no right to decide who they are. And every right to be supportive.
Learning to enjoy the world around us and encourage them to be excited about it.
A bit more self-directed, but just as important for keeping kids curious and adventurous.
Don't rush them on a journey to discover how our planet works and what it has to offer. If you have some time on your hands and your kid wants to throw stones in the river for 2 hours, maybe you should let them.
Maybe if they ask you "What is this" instead of saying "Pinecone" you can say something like this: "It's a pine cone and it's very impressive. Do you like it? Where do you think it comes from? Let's go see if we can find some more and figure it out." And come on it's a pretty cool pine cone! You don't have to dial down your excitement just because you're an adult. Forget for a second about your job, taxes, responsibilities and dozens of chores that you are yet to complete... and just see how flipping weird this cone is and how brilliant is nature for making it this way.
The most memorable moments are the simple ones. With the convenience of our current world, it could be tough to notice that simple free things with zero technology involved are just as pleasant.
Here we are wandering around Helsinki and soaking up all of its architecture, but it's lunchtime and with no fuel, there is going to be no walking. You could, of course, find a restaurant and sit down for a good hour and a half and do the whole thing that is completely overrated... or you could find the nearest supermarket, get a coffee that's 10 times cheaper but every bit as good, get a whole box of juice, Hawaiian pizza slices, some tangerines or a vegan burger, find yourself an awesome hill and actually make your lunch fun.
Don't do too much for them. Children are not very fast in getting something done. And sometimes it could be tempting to just do it for them. But if they never get to practice, they'll never learn anything. You should remember that children are actually capable of much more than people realize.
They can wash their own hands, open their yoghurt, put some shoes on, peel an egg, wash some utensils, fold, sweep, etc. They can be much more independent than you realize, but you have to let them.
Encourage them instead of taking the opportunity of trying.
Let them do something for you. It's one thing to copy adult's behaviour and another thing to care for one. Letting your kid do something for you could make them feel big and strong and capable.
It could be anything. Pretending to braid your hair or perhaps putting food on your plate after you put some food onto theirs.
Let them put a cover over you and "put you to sleep" or accept an offer to help you exercise. Or both. Why the heck not?
Here is a good example of this. Sofi was playing next to a door at my mom's house and a person accidentally hit her with it.
We had to put some ice on it so the bruise doesn't get too big and shut her eye closed.
As you can imagine, feeling a part of your face go numb is not the most pleasant thing in the world, but the ice must be applied for a good while. She expressed some interest in holding it against Memo's forehead, so we let her, explaining that it's very important after being hit by something. Now that she has been on both ends of it and understood the purpose, she agreed to take turns with my husband. Instead of being an unpleasant experience it turned into a learning one. One that she still remembers.
Let them make some decisions. Parents often get frustrated when kids don't listen and resist absolutely everything. But what we fail to remember is that having no say about any aspect of your own life is infuriating, especially if you are so eager to be just like your parents, to be big and independent. Letting your kid make some decisions could fix that problem.
As simple as picking the place at the table where they want to sit today, the spoon that they want to eat with or picking between a pear and an apple. Provide them with some situations where you are equally ok with every option and then give them the freedom to choose.
Letting them dress themselves is a really easy one. You can pick from 2 to 10 weather-appropriate options and then let them try someone and decide what they want. It's nothing for you, but for them, it's controlling their identity and appearance. After all, you wouldn't want to be dressed by your mom every day of the week would you?
Size-appropriate furniture. Another very useful thing that will help them be more independent is having accessible things at home.
Anything from storing their toys in low shelves to having little stairs that they can climb to wash their hands in the sink. Just try and limit the amount of help they need around the house.
If you also combine it with encouraging them to clean up after themselves and return everything on its place, this could be a great thing in the long run.
Volunteer. I think volunteering is great for absolutely everyone. It provides the feeling of contribution to the world, communities and people around us. And it could teach kids some humbleness, thoughtfulness, awareness, responsibility and compassion.
With the guidance of rangers, you can easily volunteer in any local park or forest.
You can do it in a church if that's your thing or any shelter in your hometown.
Even helping your Nan to harvest some vegetables from her garden could do.
Trust me, there is no forcing involved. Just start doing it and the next thing you know they want to do it with you.
Very simple, but look how happy she feels after picking the berries herself.
And look at the amount of trash we've collected after just an hour or so.
Awareness of the amount of work that goes into pretty much every aspect of our lives is not self-forming. And if you really want them to be compassionate and thoughtful then teach them to respect the world around them and all of humans and animals in it, no matter how small or big, rich or poor.
And finally be a team and have the time of your life together.
Doesn't matter where make the most of every moment. Yes, having kids is a lot of responsibilities, but it doesn't mean that you can't be silly and have a ton of fun.
Kids are so unbelievably happy and positive, it puts you to shame every day with all of your "real life" problems. Look at them, learn from them. Have adventures together.
As a possessor of intense anxiety problem (yes, that's how we are calling it) I understand that being happy all the time is impossible and sometimes life just sucks. But keeping in mind that every moment is precious kinda makes you reconsider a few things.
Just remember that every minute is unique and you are never getting the chance to relive it. So go and live it with your kid!
Interacting with animals.
This one is quite simple and you don't even have to get a pet for this lesson. Just letting your kid spend some time around animals and teaching them how to treat them properly can make a big difference. If you do it right, it could give them a glimpse of responsibility for smaller weaker creatures and teach them compassion.
You have to make sure though that they understand the rules because letting them do whatever they want to an animal could actually be quite abusive and unfair towards the latter one.
Make sure your kid knows that he/she needs to be gentle, recognize when an animal does not want to play anymore and if that's the case please DO NOT let your kid follow them and force the interaction. Forcing anyone to do something they don't want to do is cruel, even if that "someone" is not a human.
Letting them try.
This one should be super easy, but for parents, it is often not. You simply have the urge to stop them from trying things if you think they are not strong enough, don't have enough balance or perhaps haven't mastered their motor skills yet.
But I highly encourage you to let them make mistakes, as many as possible. Don't say "no, you can't do this, let me do it for you", instead, say "you can try, but be careful". And if they drop something on the floor, so what? Give them a napkin and teach them how to clean it up. If they fall down, don't stop them from doing something like that again, instead remind them that last time they fell while doing it, so this time they must be extra careful. And if they break something, please don't tell them off. Remember, adults drop and break things too. Let your kid know that they didn't fail and this kind of things happen to absolutely everyone.
Of course, all of this applies only to situations that don't pose danger to their health. If something is hot, sharp, unsteady or dangerous you must not let your kid near it and explain exactly why.
Why is this important? Because that's how they become confident.
"My parent trusts me. He/she believes I can do this. I am allowed to try. And even if I don't succeed, they'll be here to help me up again."
Here is a child that fell face down on crunchy leaves and is not impressed with the force of gravity at the moment.
Let them help you.
I've already mentioned it in previous posts, but making kids feel like they are part of the team is great for their confidence. My daughter is at such age right now when she wants to do everything I do and letting her contribute not only makes her very happy but also builds up the trust between us and gives her important skills that she will have to develop later in life anyways.
Yes, when kids help things can get a little messy, but it's so worth it when you see how exciting it is for them.
They feel big and capable and important.
Let them copy your actions. This one is a version of the previous one, except instead of working with you they pretend to be you. I think trying on roles of different people actually plays a big part in their self-discovery. By figuring out how different occupations, race and gender influences human's behaviour they actually grow to understand it much better and find out who they are in the process.
This could be as simple as letting them use some of your things in their role play or perhaps getting them a miniature version of their own.
As a side note, I would encourage you to not limit them to toys that are "gender- or role-appropriate". So if you have a girl like we do, give her the freedom to copy her dad as well. Same goes for boys copying their moms or for a kid that is growing up with parents of the same sex or of different race or religion. Simply let them try everything because you have absolutely no right to decide who they are. And every right to be supportive.
Learning to enjoy the world around us and encourage them to be excited about it.
A bit more self-directed, but just as important for keeping kids curious and adventurous.
Don't rush them on a journey to discover how our planet works and what it has to offer. If you have some time on your hands and your kid wants to throw stones in the river for 2 hours, maybe you should let them.
Maybe if they ask you "What is this" instead of saying "Pinecone" you can say something like this: "It's a pine cone and it's very impressive. Do you like it? Where do you think it comes from? Let's go see if we can find some more and figure it out." And come on it's a pretty cool pine cone! You don't have to dial down your excitement just because you're an adult. Forget for a second about your job, taxes, responsibilities and dozens of chores that you are yet to complete... and just see how flipping weird this cone is and how brilliant is nature for making it this way.
The most memorable moments are the simple ones. With the convenience of our current world, it could be tough to notice that simple free things with zero technology involved are just as pleasant.
Here we are wandering around Helsinki and soaking up all of its architecture, but it's lunchtime and with no fuel, there is going to be no walking. You could, of course, find a restaurant and sit down for a good hour and a half and do the whole thing that is completely overrated... or you could find the nearest supermarket, get a coffee that's 10 times cheaper but every bit as good, get a whole box of juice, Hawaiian pizza slices, some tangerines or a vegan burger, find yourself an awesome hill and actually make your lunch fun.
Don't do too much for them. Children are not very fast in getting something done. And sometimes it could be tempting to just do it for them. But if they never get to practice, they'll never learn anything. You should remember that children are actually capable of much more than people realize.
They can wash their own hands, open their yoghurt, put some shoes on, peel an egg, wash some utensils, fold, sweep, etc. They can be much more independent than you realize, but you have to let them.
Encourage them instead of taking the opportunity of trying.
Let them do something for you. It's one thing to copy adult's behaviour and another thing to care for one. Letting your kid do something for you could make them feel big and strong and capable.
It could be anything. Pretending to braid your hair or perhaps putting food on your plate after you put some food onto theirs.
Let them put a cover over you and "put you to sleep" or accept an offer to help you exercise. Or both. Why the heck not?
Here is a good example of this. Sofi was playing next to a door at my mom's house and a person accidentally hit her with it.
We had to put some ice on it so the bruise doesn't get too big and shut her eye closed.
As you can imagine, feeling a part of your face go numb is not the most pleasant thing in the world, but the ice must be applied for a good while. She expressed some interest in holding it against Memo's forehead, so we let her, explaining that it's very important after being hit by something. Now that she has been on both ends of it and understood the purpose, she agreed to take turns with my husband. Instead of being an unpleasant experience it turned into a learning one. One that she still remembers.
Let them make some decisions. Parents often get frustrated when kids don't listen and resist absolutely everything. But what we fail to remember is that having no say about any aspect of your own life is infuriating, especially if you are so eager to be just like your parents, to be big and independent. Letting your kid make some decisions could fix that problem.
As simple as picking the place at the table where they want to sit today, the spoon that they want to eat with or picking between a pear and an apple. Provide them with some situations where you are equally ok with every option and then give them the freedom to choose.
Letting them dress themselves is a really easy one. You can pick from 2 to 10 weather-appropriate options and then let them try someone and decide what they want. It's nothing for you, but for them, it's controlling their identity and appearance. After all, you wouldn't want to be dressed by your mom every day of the week would you?
Size-appropriate furniture. Another very useful thing that will help them be more independent is having accessible things at home.
Anything from storing their toys in low shelves to having little stairs that they can climb to wash their hands in the sink. Just try and limit the amount of help they need around the house.
If you also combine it with encouraging them to clean up after themselves and return everything on its place, this could be a great thing in the long run.
Volunteer. I think volunteering is great for absolutely everyone. It provides the feeling of contribution to the world, communities and people around us. And it could teach kids some humbleness, thoughtfulness, awareness, responsibility and compassion.
With the guidance of rangers, you can easily volunteer in any local park or forest.
You can do it in a church if that's your thing or any shelter in your hometown.
Even helping your Nan to harvest some vegetables from her garden could do.
Trust me, there is no forcing involved. Just start doing it and the next thing you know they want to do it with you.
Very simple, but look how happy she feels after picking the berries herself.
And look at the amount of trash we've collected after just an hour or so.
Awareness of the amount of work that goes into pretty much every aspect of our lives is not self-forming. And if you really want them to be compassionate and thoughtful then teach them to respect the world around them and all of humans and animals in it, no matter how small or big, rich or poor.
And finally be a team and have the time of your life together.
Doesn't matter where make the most of every moment. Yes, having kids is a lot of responsibilities, but it doesn't mean that you can't be silly and have a ton of fun.
Kids are so unbelievably happy and positive, it puts you to shame every day with all of your "real life" problems. Look at them, learn from them. Have adventures together.
As a possessor of intense anxiety problem (yes, that's how we are calling it) I understand that being happy all the time is impossible and sometimes life just sucks. But keeping in mind that every moment is precious kinda makes you reconsider a few things.
Just remember that every minute is unique and you are never getting the chance to relive it. So go and live it with your kid!
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