Tips on how to deal with overwhelming situations

I was a quiet shy kid for as long as I can remember. I preferred to be alone and tried to avoid speaking up because it felt safe. I was then and still am pretty insecure about myself, introverted and often anxious. However, I have been quite successful at not letting fear control my life and I want to share a few tips that might be useful if you're experiencing something similar.
Let's talk about dealing with overwhelming situations, not letting insecurity stop you from doing the things you want and enjoying the new scary things that frighten you.

Keep in mind, that this is just what has worked for me, it is definitely not universal and not 100% effective for everyone.

Just to clear this up: what makes me nervous and panicky is social interaction. Being on the spot, being looked at by the opposite sex, being in a big crowd or among a big group of friends.

Having said all of that, here are the tips:

Remember, they are just people. Specifically to those of you who have troubles in big crowds, you need to remember that you are not the centre of the universe. Literally. When you are insecure it might feel like everyone is judging you, laughing at you and waiting for you to fail. That's not true. They are just people, like you, they are dealing with their own problems and probably have just as many fears. They are definitely not waiting for you specifically to fail and they don’t hate you by default.

This might be very obvious to some of you, but to me, it isn’t always, so reminding myself of this actually helps me feel more confident. It allows me to see myself equal to the group.

It’s ok to ask questions, even if they are silly. This applies to situations when you feel a bit lost and anxious. If you are afraid to be rude, remember that asking people directly and making sure is almost never ruder than not doing it. If you are meeting new people and don't know how to break the ice, ask them what kind of food they like, do they like the city you are in or not, their hobbies - anything. Try to find common ground and go from there. If you are not sure of what to do next in a certain situation (in the airport, school, dinner at your friend’s house), just ask for someone’s help. Most people will relate to feeling awkwardly lost in a situation.

Only the first step is hard. I don’t know how about you, but knowing that after this one scary thing everything will get easier makes me feel a little bit better, so just keep it in mind.

Put yourself out there if you know you’ll end up loving it. It’s always much easier to turn down an invitation because staying at home doesn’t require any additional steps and provides a safe comfort zone where nothing bad can happen to you. It’s ok to stay there if you truly don’t want to go somewhere (assuming you have a choice), but if you know you will have a great time and for sure end up loving it, say yes immediately. Trust me, everything that shapes you as a person, everything amazing and breathtaking, everything that's worth doing happens outside of your comfort zone. Knowing when and how to step out of it is crucial for self-development.

Try to look at everything in a positive way. If you absolutely have to go to this boring meeting where you’ll spend 2 hours of your life listening to someone or go to a family dinner that you especially want to avoid, maybe try looking at it as an opportunity to learn something new. It could be getting to know someone better, practising your social skills, exercising your patience or getting a different point of view on something. If you go somewhere expecting it to be horrible, boring and never-ending, that’s exactly how it will be. But if you go there with the intention of getting a useful experience, it will no longer be a waste of your time.

Rationalize. This helps me a lot in situations when I feel insecure or shy. Here is how it works: you listen very closely to how you feel and separate the main feeling – shame, anxiety, shyness, fear etc. Then you try to rationally explain why you feel that way. For example, I can’t speak up in a big crowd. Why? Because I’m shy and insecure. Why? Because I’m afraid of being laughed at or judged. If the person next to you suddenly speaks up, would you judge him/her? No. Then why do you think they will judge you? Because I have low self-esteem. So, it’s mostly in your head? Yes.

Almost all of your fears will have an easily explainable reason. And there is just something about understanding why you feel a certain way that makes it a lot less scary. Almost like it turns from being this mythical frightening thing that has been squeezing your throat for years to a completely normal, explainable, predictable thing that many people have.

Tell people how you feel. I believe that a lot of stress and anxiety actually happen because of miscommunication and can totally be avoided. Others can’t read your mind. It might be obvious to you that you look uncomfortable, but people around might have no idea. So, you need to let them know. For example, I always let my husband know if I’m feeling stressed or frustrated as well as telling my friends if I feel uncomfortable. And if you run out of things to say, you can just tell them: “This is awkward, isn’t it? It is actually pretty hard for me to talk to people. I’m not very confident.” This has worked wonders for me. It breaks the ice, lets the person know how you feel and creates a certain amount of trust because admitting to your feelings is not an easy thing to do.

Actually, this applies to all kinds of situations. At least for me telling people directly how I feel has always been the best way of dealing with awkwardness and anxiety.

Think as your future-self. If you need to make a decision, try to see this situation from a perspective of your future-self.
Imagine yourself in a few months or years. Will you regret not doing this? Will you regret doing this? Will this even matter then?
For example, when I was offered to go to China and study Chinese, my first response was: “Are you crazy? No way in hell!” I found all kinds of excuses, as you do: what if they don’t give me the visa, what if it’s too expensive, what if Chinese is too hard, what if 30 words that I know in English are not enough and another ton of ridiculous “ifs”. And then I asked myself: “Will I regret not going there in 10 years?” The answer was: “Absolutely! Maybe, I’ll regret it more than anything I’ve ever done!” And then, still thinking about myself in 10 years, I thought: “Then it will be just a chapter of my life. It will leave only pleasant moments in my memory. I will forget all of my fear and uncertainty and it will just be something I’ve done”. And it was. There I met my husband, the person from the other continent, who understands me more than anyone ever did and whom I otherwise would have never met.
"In the moment" me would have chickened out, but "in 10 years" me prevented this from happening.

I’m not perfect. I still let my fears stop me from doing certain things, but I’m fighting it with everything I’ve got. Because Earth is huge and filled with so many amazing places, so many languages and so many people. And if I sit on my ass in the comfort of my home I will miss out on all of that.

I hope this article was helpful.